ALTERED REALITY NEWS FLASH: EMPRESS HILLARY CLINTON DENIES THE APOSTLE PAUL A VISA

Paul the Apostle, by Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn c. 1657
Paul the Apostle, by Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn c. 1657 (from here)

Today Empress Hillary Clinton issued an executive order directing her State Department to deny Christians entry into the dominions of the New World Empire. Sources say the application of a religious provocateur widely known as Apostle Paul for a visa to enter her domain prompted her to issue her executive order.  The State Department cited the apostle’s writings as grounds for the denial. The apostle is a high-ranking leader of a radical atheist cult that denounces the worship of the gods, discriminates against gays, denies women equal rights, and opposes infanticide for birth control.

The Apostle Paul, previously known as Saul of Tarsus, is a follower of the founder of Christianity, Jesus of Nazareth. Pontius Pilate, Prefect of the Roman province of Judaea ordered Jesus crucified on March 29, 1991.  Christians claimed that Jesus rose from the dead on March 31, 1991. Christians cite his supposed resurrection as proof Jesus was the Jewish Messiah. Sensibly calling that claim blasphemy Paul joined with those Jews that both Jewish and Roman authorities directed to stamp out the seditious cult.

After relentlessly prosecuting Christians for several years, Paul claims he experienced a vision while traveling to Damascus, Syria.  Incredibly, Paul says  he saw Jesus in this vision. Immediately afterwards Paul says he spent three years in the Arabian desert. What he did there is unknown, but he apparently spent that time undergoing indoctrination in the Christian ideology.

Since his desert experience Paul has preached the seditious teachings of Jesus throughout southern Europe. Paul has mislead thousands of previously loyal citizens to adopt his atheistic Christian beliefs.

Because rumors abound that Christians drink human blood and eat human flesh, authorities have repeatedly investigated Christian churches for engaging unauthorized human sacrifices. Thus far authorities have not confirmed any of these rumors. Nevertheless, Christians make no secret of their refusal to worship the empress and the Roman gods, their opposition to the gay lifestyle and pederasty, and their insistence all women should dress and behave modestly, including those engaged in temple worship. Because of its implications for population control, the empress is especially concerned by their opposition to infanticide for birth control. She considers this a direct threat to the stability of the empire.  Therefore, the empress issued her  executive order.

OF COURSE AMERICA WAS NEVER A CHRISTIAN NATION

humor.pngOf course America was never a Christian nation.  Here is the real story.

😉

America owes its prosperity and plenty to all the diverse atheistic cultural groups that came together as a providential example of human reasoning and skill. These atheistic collectives combined to produce our uniquely secular Constitution and governing institutions.

Consider where it all began. The first arrivals crossed the Bering Strait, then a cold, dry land bridge because of the Ice Age.  They brought with them their belief in the Great Spirit of Logic which they celebrated at their campfires by devising efficient ways to hunt and farm.  Thus, these Indians became the first environmentalists. To protect the environment, they consciously chose to remain in the Stone Age for thousands of years, forgoing the use of electricity, plastics, and labor saving machines to protect their beautiful land and wildlife.

When barbaric Vikings from Northern Europe arrived in America, the Indians met them and showed them their ways.  Some of the amazed Vikings stayed and joined the Indians. Others returned to Europe and introduced their Scandinavian brothers and sisters to the Great Spirit of Logic. Hence, early in its history Scandinavian became renowned for its peaceful ways and near absence of warriors.

Now we go to the Middle East. Here, a thousand years earlier, long before Lief Erickson trod the shores of North America, a great philosopher named Jesus began popularizing the works of little known Jewish philosophers. These philosophers had done ground breaking work on the rules for rational human behavior, but few knew of or understood their great accomplishments. Unfortunately, generations of ignorant Jewish scribes had obscured their insights with strange notions about an angry God and multitudes of needless rules and laws.  Fortunately, a gentile named Jesus, a star student educated by the best Greek and Roman teachers, discovered well preserved copies of the works of those little known Jewish philosophers. Curious, he delved into them and was amazed by what he had found.  Subsequently, he assembled a team of fellow philosophers, and he taught them what he had learned.

Jesus died shortly thereafter, but the work he had started continued. His disciples taught others and made disciples of those they taught.  Thus, through his first disciples Jesus slowly became famous for teaching what ancient Indians had learned long ago on the other side of the word.  Humans can solve any problem by reasoning together and working together. In time, man can make his collective will the supreme force in the universe. In time, man can be his own god.

Seeing that Jesus had discovered a path for the works of man to make salvation possible, his disciples soon began to call him the Christ (meaning the savior) and themselves Christians. Therefore, Jesus ironically attained to the status of deity from his more gullible disciples.

Fortunately, Jesus’ first disciples preserved his teachings in their class notes, but most of the world was illiterate.  So Christianity spread slowly, and its adherents mixed up Jesus’ teachings with strange beliefs. Then in 15th century, someone invented the printing press.  So most of the educated people of Europe were able to read both the works of the those little known Jewish philosophers and the class notes of Jesus’ disciples.

Unfortunately, the arrival of the printing press resulted in competing interpretations of Christianity and chaos. As various groups strove to practice their own versions of rational and well-reasoned living, the old pagan institutions strained and finally began to slowly crumble. Still, many Christians sought escape from their persecutors in the New World.  Here are some of the better known groups.

  • Disciples of the Church of England, devoted to prosperous living, sought escape in Virginia.
  • Pilgrims for Stoicism and later the Followers of Puritanical Reason settled in New England.
  • The Rational Friends settled in Pennsylvania.
  • The Proponents of the Catholic Mind settled in Maryland.

The Atlantic Ocean was not wide enough.  The adherents to the old pagan gods were still strong enough in England to torment the Christians in the New World.  So the thirteen colonies, all practicing various versions Jesus’ teachings (now intermixed and strengthen by the Indian’s belief in the Great Spirit of Logic) decided to declare their independence. So they wrote up a declaration. They declared that the rights of men depend upon the rational collective will of mankind, not the rantings of those who believe in nonexistent gods.  Then, they listed their grievances and crudely told King George III where to stick it.

The rest is history.

COULD YOU RUN A LAP FOR ME? — PART 5

Landscape with Northern Lights - Attempt to Paint the Aurora Borealis, 1790s, by Jens Juel. (from here)
Landscape with Northern Lights – Attempt to Paint the Aurora Borealis, 1790s, by Jens Juel. (from here)

Here we continue the telling of the story of Petrus and Rona.

AS TOLD BY THE KING’S CHIEF GUARD TO HIS GRANDSON

Petrus ran recklessly, far outdistancing his townsmen, those he had left at the teetering rock. Eyes full of tears, choking back sobs, he was already mourning Rona. And yet he hoped.

He arrived at his home, briefly composed himself and walked through the door, looking for Rona. He found the windows opened and everything in order, except Rona lay collapsed onto a bench.

Petrus walked over and touched Rona. When she did not respond, he gently shook her. She opened her eyes, looked at Petrus, and smiled. “He answered me, Petrus! He said to have faith.”

Rona spoke softy, but Petrus could not miss the joy. Her eyes closed, and Petrus could not rouse her again. In a few moments, she stopped breathing.  Briefly, Petrus sat in shock. Then Petrus quietly raged in anger, wondering who to blame, who to destroy. Finally, he thought of her last words,  “He said to have faith.”

He bent over and kissed his Beloved one last time. “I will not do anything that would separate me from you. I will have faith.” Then he cried again, wailing her name, “Rona!”

When Rona’s sister, Freja, heard Petrus’ cry, she came running. She saw Petrus in anguish, the sword on the floor, and Rona laying quietly on the bench. Petrus saw her. He stooped to pick up the sword. Then he wiped the tears from his eyes and spoke. “I have no choice, Freja, my sister. I must go. Can you and the women prepare a funeral pyre for Rona?”

Shocked, Freja said nothing. She had wanted this morning to be like so many of the others before it. She walked over, bent down, and shook Rona. She saw she was not breathing, and cried softly. Then Freja stood up and turned to Petrus. She looked at the sword again. Then she nodded, “yes.”

Petrus gripped Freja shoulder. Before she died, she spoke. She said: “‘He answered me, Petrus! He said to have faith.’ God answered her prayer. I don’t understand, but she died joyfully.”

Then Petrus walked out the door. Again he started running, this time to battle. How could they win? He did not know. He only knew what Rona had said. “He said to have faith.”

To Be Continued

COULD YOU RUN A LAP FOR ME? — PART 4

Sunrise (1646–47) by Claude Lorrain located at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.
Sunrise (1646–47) by Claude Lorrain located at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York.

Here we continue the telling of the story of Petrus and Rona.

AS TOLD BY THE KING’S CHIEF GUARD TO HIS GRANDSON

As the sun rose, shimmering across the waves, Petrus began his daily trek up to that large boulder that teeters atop the crag overlooking the valley. Why did he submit himself to this trial every morning? A decade ago, when he had begun to discover the gift of his stamina and strength, he had run for his own prestige. Then he had run for the beauty of a morning sunrise, the singing birds, the memory of a smile on Rona’s face… Of late, he had run to glorify and give thanks to God for all His gifts. Thus, in spite of his loss in strength, what he had given up to keep Rona alive, he still set out each morning.

To the amazement of the townsfolk, he ran in both fair weather and foul. Nevertheless, Petrus had run for years, and so few still bothered to notice. Today was different. Here and there his fellow townsfolk stopped their daily chores to take notice. Some with sad faces waved to him. Petrus nodded in return. He supposed people knew how the king had threaten him and Rona. What Petrus did not notice is that many set aside what they were doing and ran after him.

Petrus ran on. He used the trail along the northern edge of the crag. That allowed him to look over the sea and down upon the bay that provided the entrance for Teetering Rock’s harbor. Yet as his run continued the trail grew rough, and he grew tired. So he focused on the trail and each stride he took.

Eventually Petrus arrived at the huge, teetering boulder. Looking over the sea again, he took a moment to regain his breath and to give thanks for once again for reaching this beautiful spot. Then he strode a few paces more and fell to his knees. He still wondered what to pray.

Petrus did not believe he had the strength save both Rona and to satisfy the king. Could the king be satisfied? Wasn’t that his problem?  Therefore, he asked God to help him save Rona and for his protection from the king.  Oddly, Petrus felt compelled to silence. Even though there was no one who could hear him at this lonely place, for the first time Petrus prayed silently.

For the first time Petrus also felt God answering his prayers. There was no voice. He could not explain it, but Petrus knew Rona too was praying, praying for him and refusing his offer of strength. Yet Petrus’ sadness did not become despair. He knew today was Rona’s day to go home. What was home? God did not say. He just knew Rona had fulfilled her life’s purpose.

Petrus also knew his second prayer would be answered. Someone capable and righteous would risk everything to stand up to lead his people. Who? That was not his problem. It was time to return to Rona. He rose, turned, and started to run down the hill. Then he saw two men with drawn swords blocking the way, and he stopped. The voice behind him was that of Adolf the goði.

“You lying dog! We are taking you to the king.”

Petrus turned back. Adolf stood smiling with a mace in his hand. On either side him stood two lesser priests, each with a mace. The men with swords he had recognized as some of the hoodlums who served the king. The bloodthirsty corruption of the hoodlums did not puzzle him, but these were priests.

Then Petrus wondered in bafflement. Lord God, you said we would have your protection? Suddenly stones hailed upon the swordsmen and the priests. Petrus’ five ambushers died before they could use their weapons or run away.

Petrus looked behind the dead bodies of the priests. He saw his friends and neighbors stepping from behind the bushes and small trees. He turned again to look at the swordsmen. More of his friends and neighbors stood behind the dead bodies of the swordsmen. In the years since arms had been banned, the men of the town had become very adept at throwing stones with slingshots.

Then Petrus noticed Aage the Guard Captain. “Was this your idea?”

Aage nodded. “I overheard the king instructing Adolf.”

Petrus asked: “Thank you for standing up to lead us and for saving my life. What about Rona?”

“She is safe for the moment. Two of these — these corpses — were suppose to grab her on the way back to the castle.”

Petrus said: “It will not end here. We must defeat the king, or he will have all our heads on poles.”

Aage pointed to the arms the dead men had once wielded. “Those who know how to use them grab their arms. Petrus, pick four men and make certain no one leaves Teetering Rock and warns the king.  The rest of you must get whatever you can use as a weapon. We will meet in front of my house in an hour. Then we must seize the armory.”

Petrus picked up one of the fallen swords. He called to four of his fellow shipyard workers, fast and strong young men. “Kiss your women and grab whatever you can use as a weapon from your home or the shipyard. I will meet you on the path to the castle.”

Petrus then took off. Dashing to his home to see what had happened to Rona, Petrus then realized he had regained his old strength.  Stifling the tears, he lengthen his stride.

To Be Continued