HOW DO LIBERAL/PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRATS CELEBRATE HOLIDAYS?

When I went jogging yesterday I noticed that people are already putting up Halloween decorations. It is not even October yet! Since the political season is now at full gallop, that started me thinking. When compared to Conservative, tradition observing Americans, how do Liberal/Progressive Democrats celebrate holidays?

• New Year’s Day: Liberal/Progressive Democrats drink hangover medications. Conservative, tradition observing Americans fly the flag and eat Christmas leftovers .
• Birthday of Martin Luther King Jr: Liberal/Progressive Democrats condemn Conservative, tradition observing Americans as racists. Conservative, tradition observing Americans remember we should judge others by the content of their character. Conservative, tradition observing Americans also fly the flag.
• President’s Day: Liberal/Progressive Democrats remember George Washington owned slaves. Conservative, tradition observing Americans remember Washington led the way in creating a nation of free people, and Lincoln freed the slaves. Conservative, tradition observing Americans also fly the flag.
• Memorial Day: Conservative, tradition observing Americans also fly the flag.
• Independence Day: Everyone enjoys the fireworks. Conservative, tradition observing Americans also fly the flag.
• Labor Day: Nobody goes to “work”. Conservative, tradition observing Americans fly the flag.
• Columbus Day: Liberal/Progressive Democrats condemn America as racist. Conservative, tradition observing Americans remember Columbus’ courage and fly the flag.
• Veterans’ Day: Conservative, tradition observing Americans fly the flag.
• Thanksgiving: Liberal/Progressive Democrats condemn Conservative, tradition observing Americans as racist, Indian killers.  Conservative, tradition observing Americans thank God for His providence. Conservative, tradition observing Americans also fly the flag.
• Christmas: Liberal/Progressive Democrats condemn Conservative, tradition observing Americans as superstitious religious bigots and racists and celebrate the Holiday Season by worshipping Santa Claus. Conservative, tradition observing Americans celebrate Christmas.

There are other important days to note, and this list includes Halloween.

• Valentine’s Day: Everyone celebrates the love of his or her life.
• St Patrick’s Day: Liberal/Progressive Democrats buy hangover medications, and they plan to make the next day a sick day. Conservative, tradition observing Americans hunt four leaf clovers.
• Good Friday: Conservative, tradition observing Americans thank God for His mercy and grace.
• Easter: Liberal/Progressive Democrats condemn Conservative, tradition observing Americans as superstitious religious bigots and racists, and they celebrate Spring Break. Conservative, tradition observing Americans celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.
• Mother’s Day: Both Liberal/Progressive Democrats and Conservative, tradition observing Americans love on Mom, at least until the test tube and state nurseries replace Mom.
• Father’s Day: Liberal/Progressive Democrats express their regrets over the need for a sperm donor. Conservative, tradition observing Americans love on Dad.
• Halloween: Liberal/Progressive Democrats debate their choices for our national symbol: vampires, black cats, tombstones and so forth. Conservative, tradition observing Americans scratch their heads and wonder what is being celebrated.

So, how do we sum this up? Whereas Liberal/Progressive Democrats celebrate the tombstone, Conservative, tradition observing Americans celebrate our unity by flying the flag.