This is too good to pass up. Why? The truth in good humor so obvious it doesn’t have to be explained, and it cannot be rebutted.
We have reviewed your statements and have the following recommendations to help end this public relations disaster:
―Location of the specimen at the time of demise is everything. Emphasize that you performed the poaching procedure OUTSIDE the park, and it is not really a lion unless it is INSIDE the park.
―Change “head on the mantle above the fireplace” to “calvarium on the mantle” or better yet “tissue on the mantle.”
―Change the terms “carcass” and “remains” to “products of hunting.”
―In your apology, your term “taking the lion,” rather than “killing the lion,” was on the right track, but Jimmy Kimmel saw right through it. We suggest “terminate” as a widely-accepted alternative.
―Repeat over and over again, as much as possible, that brutally killing and dismembering innocent life is “ONLY 3%” of what you do. (Other clients have found this to…
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