Yes. It true! In a back room deal in Copenhagen, Denmark, President Barack Obama solved the problem of global warming. Look outdoors. Count the snowflakes. There is your proof.
How did he do it? Citizen Tom has the inside scoop.
Working secretly, the space research agencies of the United State Chinese, Russia, and European Union, have been launching huge, reflective mylar balloons into earth orbit. The program is called HPB for High-Flying Party Balloons. What are the expected problems?
- How do we coordinate with our brother and sister nations (Which are the brothers, and which are the sisters? Darned if I know.) to deflect just the right amount of sunlight from the earth?
- How do we prevent panic and sabotage? Our progressive leaders fear that swarms of global warming deniers will pop and destroy their delicate mylar bubbles.
- How do we pay for the installation and upkeep of this complex system? Using the elaborate excuse provided by the housing bubble, the United States, for example, diverted funds to this secret program via the Federal Reserve. Since the Fed is not audited, that has worked well, but suspicions have been raised. An alternative must be found.
- How do we bring global warming gases back down to acceptable levels so the expensive HPB program can be deactivated?
The Amazing Answers
How do we coordinate with our brother and sister nations to deflect just the right amount of sunlight from the earth?
Working diligently in the Oval Office, President Obama developed a secret computer program. His ingenious program calculates the orbits and the number of huge mylar balloons needed to keep the earth from becoming overheated. Using these calculations Chinese scientists developed star-shaped balloons (Who else would you expect to be the lowest bidder for party balloons?). In the event the public accidentally sees one on orbit, the hope is that people will think they are seeing a star.
Below is a photo of a deployed balloon. Note the realism.
How do we prevent panic and sabotage?
The essence of HPB security is secrecy. Thus the governments of the nations involved promised to neither deny nor affirm the existence of the HPB program. Fortunately, top psychologists working for the Obama adminstration have determined the typical psychological profile of global warming deniers (see here). They believe that the global warming deniers will also deny the existence any program to put mylar balloons on orbit.
How do we pay for the installation and upkeep of this complex system?
The Health Care Bill and the Cap and Trade Bill have a hidden purpose, long-term funding for the construction and launch of tens of millions of mylar balloons into earth orbit. How will it work? Obama is counting upon the notorious incompetence of government. Joining with the crooked people who defraud Medicare, Medicaid and the Defense Department routinely (If you can’t beat, join ‘em?), the Obama administration will use fraudulent accounting techniques to divert the funds. Actually, this should be the easiest part of the HPB program to carry out.
How do we bring global warming gases back down to acceptable levels so the expensive HPB program can be deactivated?
This part of the effort may be beyond even the great Obama’s powers. Although Obama has already determined which alternative green energy technologies can replace fossil fuels, it seems the HPB program has gained a life of its own.
No government ever voluntarily reduces itself in size. Government programs, once launched, never disappear. Actually, a government bureau is the nearest thing to eternal life we’ll ever see on this earth! — Ronald Reagan (from here)
